114082736254805288:2006/02/#114082736254805288,114082217529262100:2006/02/#114082217529262100,114072909234837177:2006/02/#114072909234837177,114054753488518928:2006/02/#114054753488518928,114010860135863982:2006/02/#114010860135863982,114002257316259380:2006/02/#114002257316259380,113994932683337173:2006/02/#113994932683337173,113994438149290592:2006/02/#113994438149290592,113960034871191543:2006/02/#113960034871191543,113941879506819552:2006/02/#113941879506819552,113882774834511539:2006/02/#113882774834511539,">

das fiten babeez

i am a dirty stinking liberal.

Friday, February 24, 2006

hellz yeh

I was looking about at random shit, including my traffic stats (I've had 165 unique visitors in February! That's an assload by my standards...), and I realized that someone had come to my site searching for "Lobster God". Interesting...so I did a search and I'm #5 for lobster+god. First place award? GOD HATES SHRIMP

Pure joy. He does too. That's why Lobster God is so much better. There is no hate in Lobster God. Only vast, measureless, indifference.

God hates shrimp lead me to this:

Actually, I made that, here. Total ruleosity of a high degree.

Totally funny forever.

sneak attack of the asthmatics

it's friday, i'm still homeless, yet i live.

i got red acrylic on my signed mc chris shirt, which makes me weep. There's a waitress at Penny Lane named Rani, she had a Bebop shirt on so we ended up talking about cartoons. i showed her the shirt and she yelped with joy. mc chris....#1 with the ladies. "all the sex affects my syntax".

in case you forgot, over on the right there are some links to cool blogs, well, i think they're cool. Desi's blog is over there, where you can read about what a fucker i am, and Marie's, but she's a drunk degenerate, so you take what you can get. Anger Mis-Mangement is my friend Ikoi's blog, if she hasn't had an aneurysm over recent anti-abortion triumphs. I nearly have.

sometimes the people of this country make me so depressed...they're so aggressively stupid, ignorant with a chip on their shoulder about it...it's fucked up, amazing, unbearable. The recent Dover School Board case makes me fear for our future...we actually have to file lawsuits to keep people from calling creationism science. That's the stupidest thing i've ever heard of. i mean, trying to teach creationism, be it through "intelligent design" or the newest one, "critical analysis", as science is not only fucking stupid non-science, it's fucking heretical too.

ah well. i'm going to try and reap the sweet blessings of the Lobster God this weekend....perhaps if I'm lucky I will be blessed with some of his kids to eat and turn into poop.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Give a little respect

I love fuckin' Erasure. I didn't remember that...isn't it weird how you can love something and forget about it at the same time? I saw them in like 1990 at UC Irvine and it ruled...Andy Bell in a green-sequined wrestling singlet talking about eating cucumber sandwiches...




Anyone else love that band? There was a show on the "gay channel", Logo, that apparently is only available on satellite? I dunno. wev. Anyways, the show was basically a whole Erasure concert beginning to end, with all the crazy outfits and dance numbers and skits. They had a couple encores, including one that was just brilliant: After going offstage, Andy and Vince came back onstage in little bathrobes, Vince with a small keyboard and Andy with his mic....they started a simple simple song with a few notes on the keyboard and vocals. It was cool as hell. Vincent had a little vehicle with all his equipment in it...it looked like the basket from a crazy hot-air balloon.

Whoa, I just went off on Erasure for a while there. I think I'm the gayest straight guy alive....

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Savage times

I haven't been able to access my beloved intarnets for days and days because of the lack of said on my mom's floor, where i'm living until escrow closes.

We're living in some savage fucking times right now. We've got fundamentalists torturing, rioting, and above all killing on a daily basis over nuances of religious difference and policy implementation. There's no difference between the radical rule of the Taliban and the religious/corporate right in America. They just wear different costumes, and of course the Taliban (literally, "Students") get their asses bombed from time to time by the Great Satan.

The environment is under assault in some truly stunning ways, from small things (relatively), like the Clean Water Act being potentially gutted soon, to large things, like an increase in the acidity of the oceans to levels not seens since the dinosaur die-off. Oh joy.

It's savage. It's brutal and disgusting.

Remember Ralph Nader? He got us President Bush. Thanks Ralph.

Well, the good-ish part is that it will end some day. I'll die, or the faction that backs Bush and his ilk will lose their grip on power. I'm guessing it will be largely through the collapse of the oil-based economy. There will be more violence.

Hang in there, and support research into other energy sources.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

awe-some

Ann Coulter, sporting "her" mighty adam's apple, has been a disgusting boil on the hindquarters of our country for a long time, a veritable propaganda machine spewing lies, hate, and bile onto America for going on 15 years now. Whitehouse.org, a hilarious site, has a sweet feature called "Ask Ann". Check it out, good shit. The best/worst part is, of course, that it's basically right on the mark. A sample of the Q&A:

Gavin, from St. Louis, Missouri writes:
I'd like to take you up on your offer to poison a Supreme Court Justice. However, what poison and tactic do you best recommend?

Ann Coulter:
LOL! Very funny, Gavin. You're of course referring to my recent hilarious crack that we need someone to poison John Paul Stevens. What most of the liberal media jerkoffs failed to report however is that I immediately added, "THAT'S JUST A JOKE!!" – which everyone knows makes saying anything instantly OK. What's the big deal? I do it all the time. Why just last week, I was waiting in line at the airport and said, "We need somebody to light the fuse of this 11" vibrating dildo-bomb I have jimmied up my cavernous man-hole." But then I said, "That's just a joke, for you in the TSA jackets!" So everything was fine.


They also have just a massive amount of cool "Fuck you, Bush" art, stories, and what not. Here's the link to their Cafepress store:

That rocks.

So swing by. I just spotted the link to Landover Baptist Church, which I'd nearly forgotten about, at the bottom...take some time, enjoy Whitehouse.org and Landover Baptist. Sip some finely crafted satire, baby.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

OH MY WORD

If you've ever wanted to see a complete and painfully thorough destruction of someone's arguement online, go to the Poor Man as soon as you can....my god it made me happy!

Apparently there was a bit of a to-do with a commenter named "tigerhawk" or some bullshit.

Personally, I think the President is a horrible fucking stupid cunt and his policies are for shit. Your results may vary.


God damn, it's a long post, but boy-oh-boy, it takes apart the crap arguments of these fuckwad losers nicely.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

again!

You know, I have a rep for being a technophile, for loving new technologies, but it's not true. I'm a stodgy old man...when something new comes out, it takes me forever to even acknowledge it, then when I do, it's in the form of a complete cockup. Like, imagine a new technology is a massive, sleek serpent contained in it's cage, safe to admire and use for it's purpose. Instead of getting a serpent and propping it's container on my site, I have to open the cage, and confront the serpent, angrily, while still trying to use it.
"hey serpent!" I'll yell, indignant, "what makes yoiu so great?"
"Ssssssssssssssss!" the serpent will ssss.
"Oh really?!" I squeal "Say that to my face!"
and then it bites me on the face! And suddenly, I have to battle the serpent! I'm fighting this huge, coiling beast!
Damn, I think! This friggin snake is going to eat my whole face! I'd better destroy it!
But it's everywhere! I'm covered in snake-coils, and we're locked in mortal combat! I am now in a situation where I might die because I was too stupid to leave the fucking snake in the cage! I am fighting for my life against this should-be-beneficial snake!

That's how I see it anyways.

So funny

so many things happening that make me go Damn, what the fuck, damn.

BUT! Still, there are things that are to laugh. Dane Cook makes me laugh, and most everyone as well, I know, I'm late to the party. WEV! I care not! Piffle and fie on your corner-pissism. Fie I say!

Never forget Group X either:


So good. Anyways. Mark was angry at me because I did not give his Dick Cheney joke the credit it deserves, so I thought I'd do it here. MARK, you useless fucker! Your fucking Dick Cheney joke was so funny I HAD AN ANEURYSM AND DIED THEN CAME BACK SO I COULD LAUGH MORE. Also, Carol wants to destroy you at Scrabble. Don't be angry.

That's a fuckin Chinese aneurysm or some shit. I have to say "AN-EE-Yer-Izz-Em" or I misspell it.

UPDATE:
You know who I'd forgotten about? Curtis Armstrong(for god's sake skip the intro)), star of Moonlighting, Revenge of the Nerds, Better Off Dead, and so many others.
Apparently he does the voice of Double-wide on Stroker & Hoop, one of the funnier Adult Swim shows out there right now. It makes a handy birthday gift on DVD in May. On the 6th. Anyways, the thing that I was wondering about was the Chinese guy in I think part 2, Nerds in Paradise, who tutored Booger on how to be as gross as possible. Ah, Snotty. He ruled:



Booger: [after walking into Snotty's room] This place is a pig sty.
Snotty: Thank you.
Booger: You should be ashamed of yourself!
Snotty: [indifferent] Fuck you.


James Hong. Curtis Armstrong. Bow down before their combined majesty. Look at it. All that majesty. Fuckin A. I'm tearing up here at the majesty. I wrote a song:

Oh Majesty
You'll make a woman out of me
I'll be all I want to be


Well, I wrote three lines and thought "this song sucks", but still, that's more than you did, you santimonious prick.

Friday, February 10, 2006

jeebus

the insane imperialism of these people is stunning...
they'll use any threat, any lie, to maintain power.
Bush, when shit starts to hit the fan, brings out the boogeyman! Funny how it comes up when he's being beaten badly on Medicare, Social Security, FEMA, spying, bribes, and on and on...."HEY! LOOKIE HERE! I DONE STOPPED THEM TERRISS!" then he claps his hands and dances a little hoe-down.

Check Tom Tomorrow out:

After the President’s conveniently-timed revelation about a foiled attack on Los Angeles, I contacted a few friends in the intelligence community and was able to get my hands on this IM conversation between Al Qaeda’s number two guy and Bin Laden’s second-in-command (on that org chart, everyone’s a VP).

OsamaMama : u there?
72Virgins : yeah, sup?
OsamaMama : martyr 4 life, bitch!
72Virgins : lol



Impeachment is the only option we have left.

Oh yeah....George put over $700 BILLION in the 2007 budget for privatizing Social Security. Nice huh? This after suggesting cutting the pittance for widows and widowers... a payment that has been given for 30 years, as well as cutting benefits for teenagers who lose their parents. AWESOME HUH? This is compassionate conservatism IN ACTION. ANYONE who still thinks these people in power, Bush, Cheney, all of them, are anything other than FUCKING PIRATES is BRAINDEAD. LITERALLY BRAIN DEAD.

Your past vote for Bush was a vote for fascism. I fucking hate the "well, we didn't know" excuse. IT IS BULLSHIT. You people knew. Everything that fucking useless piece of shit ever did in his life pointed to this, and you knew it, and you ignored it because you were scared by 9/11, and you were too stupid in 2000 to know what was happening. I blame the citizens of this country for everything. Bush can't help what he does...He's EVIL, idiots. I blame YOU. And ME. We're the failures here.

Fuck I"m so pissed.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

I had to move the cat anus

I never thought I'd type that sentence, but there it is.

Garrison rocks.
So why does he still seem so small, our president? In his presidential library, he'll be portrayed as Abraham Lincoln after Chancellorsville and FDR after Corregidor, but to most of us, the crisis in Washington today stems from a man intellectually and temperamentally unequipped to rise to the challenge. Most of us sense that when, decades from now, the story of this administration comes out, it will be one of ordinary incompetence, of rigid and incurious people overwhelmed by events in a world they don't dare look around and see.

That's the last paragraph of a longer piece (fair use!) and it is excellent. I love his analogies. I'd do the "click our ad" day-pass stuff. As PZ Myers, my newest god, notes, today is a good day to do it.

My car is stupid. the latest: The windows stopped rolling up. All at once, with no warning, no note, no "Sorry for the inconvenience!" sign hung on my mirror. Just pffff and gone. The valves need adjusting, as well, which is minor compared to this annoyance. The day of reckoning draws near, car. I will pray to the almighty Lobster God to take you in his briny claw and apply Holy Pinching to your sleek, sweet sheet metal...metal that hides a rotten, black soul. I will cackle and dance as Lobster God drags you to the sea...for Lobster God waves a Kindly Antenna at Schedenfreude (Mackeral 12:27)


All praise the Lobster God! Obey or die!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Sorry for all the Simpsons references.

I bet some people think I'm harsh, or kidding, or whatever, when I say christers are crazy or delerious or ignorant. Well I'm not. They are all of that.
In the best of cases it's a mild mental illness, which causes only slight problems with say, nudity in a movie, or a subtle stiffening of the neck when someone says "Holy fucking Jesus in a tomcat's ass!" or the like.

Though no one has ever said that, it's pretty funny. and it would piss off a mild xtian.

At worst, however, we have militant, angry, "thoughtful" right-wing nutjobs. While not the only nutty wing of christianity (look at some of the crap that went on in the 60's on the left wing fringe...eek), it is the most violent by far, and the most "borg"-like of all. The rightwing nutjob "christian" wears his faith on his sleeve, and his contempt of your faith even plainer, someplace like on his hat, near the "NOTW" logo. Why, to them, it's not even conceivable that there could be anyone who wouldn't want to be a "christian" like them. And they're willing to spend decades to make it come true.
If you mention Jesus in a cat's ass of either gender to these guys you're going to get attacked, probably with a crudely-fashioned cross made out of any nearby furniture.

The assualt on evolution, though it's flying wildly off the mark due to the attacker's own idiocy, is symptomatic of this particular mental illness. Evolution, of course, needs no defending...it'll keep on doing what it does whether religious fundies like it or not. Imagine their frustration, a hundred years from now...

"Fuck," says "Chris T Anne", the Scientest, "we did everything we could...but look at this fucking lizard! It's distinctly different from it's forebears, and is more efficient at catching food! you son of a bitch lizard!"

Bonus Points! See if you can see this lizard's adaptation for increased feeding and mating success!

Indeed, evolution is safe. our children's heads, however, are not. I truly believe that the anti-science forces of the world would have kids reading out of textbooks that had "Leader"-like answers if they could...

Teacher: "Who makes thunder and rain?"
Student: "Jesus, ma'am"
Teacher: "Very good."




Holy crap! Well, yes, on a lot of levels I guess, that is holy crap. but I digress. The greatest irony of the world, or at least bad coincidence...everyone misuses the term irony and I think I just did, damn my peasant brain...is that evolution works very well indeed even for the hive-mind "christians" propagating their insipid ideas about "intelligent design" and "creationism". How cool would life be if a scientific and logical approach to life was the most important aspect of evolution? One can dream.

All these various forms of "christian" should be avoided at all cost, like a jar of spoiled mayonnaise. Actually, if you have one handy, throw it at the next evangelical you see. They probably did something to deserve it.

And if you live in the South, well...I'm sorry. You're fucked.

Anyways, we all know how it really went down.

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