weird weird

the world seems to be getting weirder. I'm feeling off, tilted, muddy

i keep hearing sirens at all hours, and tires screeching at night. i'm not sure what is happening. my thoughts turn to fresh water and canned goods and LED flashlights and hand-cranked radios. candles. lots of candles. and then i wonder, why do i bother? do i want to live through whatever's coming?

i think about my kiddo and i want her to live, she deserves to make her own mind up. i think about the various women in my life, mom, fiancee, daughter and i want them alive. my brother and his wife and daughter and son, they should live...it pulls me through when i believe that it will be a mushroom cloud, or an earthquake, or an invasion

i realize a lot of the thoughts are crazy, but why not. maybe i'm crazy. i'm cool with that

i hurt a lot. my back hurts and my neck, they've been hurting like this for over a month now. my doctor said to come back when i had something real wrong with me. it still hurts. he was the one with the unsecured windows machine in his examination room who got mouthy with me when i said he shouldn't have explorer running unsecured on his network. whatever. he also jammed a metal swab in my pee hole. that hurts. he did warn me, it wasn't like he just attacked randomly. imagine how complicated that would be to mug someone with a swab.

i'm becoming more disillusioned with electoral politics, at least as practiced now. i don't think that focusing on the ballot box will change much. we need to change the systems and machines. voting new people into a corrupt and corrupting system will only produce more corrupt people, which we have a surplus of now, thanks

i want to get a cat, or a little dog, but i can't even keep my plants alive. how would i care for a dog? am i still patient enough to deal with something as uniquely stupid/smart as a dog? will i toss the bastard into traffic the fiftieth time it craps all over my shoes or eats a hole in the screen door?

i'm worried i'm a weakling, that i've got heart disease. i worry i'll get bird flu.

someone left a copy of adbusters on the check-out rack at major market, which has never sold adbusters, and i bought it. i wonder how they'll reconcile that in their inventory. probably easily. what a lame thing to think about. how did i get so lame? i wish i had a gigantic duck i could ride around on like a flying horse. imagnine the racket.

my car is still crushed all to hell, and i have no replacement, just the new champion of shitty rental cars, the chevy classic. i wonder if my LDW covers driving it over a cliff into the ocean? i'm still bummed i left a cd in the bimmer

i hope all those poor fuckers in texas and lousiana are safe. what a kick in the balls. increases in extreme weather events are a hallmark of global climate change, predicted for 20 years, you know.

it'll all be okay