Driveblog

Stupid on wheels

Sup

Oh Louis CK, you rule

Oh no

I really shouldn't have pounded this latte while waiting on hold. Now I have to tinkle.

I am on hold

kind of, with a guy who sounds suspiciously like Pedro from Napolean Dynamite. This company sucks hairy, poop-encrusted donkey testicles (globat.com). They add on special features with an OPT-OUT email, where if you don't opt-out they start charging you $50 a month for marketing bullshit. It's a total evil fucking scam. They did it to me on this site, to the extent that I had to move to a new host. I literally got on the phone and told them: "Do not send me another unsolicited opt-out service add-on. I will quit, and I will report you to the Better Business Bureau, blah blah blah waaahhhh" and then I pooped my pants. Of course, a week later, bam, "Here's a great upgrade you'll be getting wether you like it or not!" in my fucking email. One customer support shitfit later, and I got to spend an evening moving to a new web host. Joy!
Anyways, never sign up with Globat. They suck ten assholes.

Waiting

wendezday lirik

i remembered! fuck yeah!
Thingy was a late 90s Rob Crow band, and had some kickass songs. they were a near direct offshoot from Heavy Vegetable, and featured Elea Tenuda vocalizing again with Rob. While slightly more serious and longwinded that HV (which wouldn't be hard given their penchant for music clocking in under a minute), they still have brief songs, more like sketches, but packed with power. A few songs from To The Innocent and Songs About Angels, Evil and Running Around On Fire are bona fide classics, such as Cutest Baby, Destroy All Music, and Revolution in a Box.

Revolution in a Box(free listen!)
Thingy
Songs About Angels, Evil and Running Around On Fire

Best way to control the youth
rather than force them in line
is somehow make your evil look good
and watch them throw themselves in the ovens
and they can dance and take their shitty drugs
to their techno marching bands
which is quite similar to
what they do in boot camp
Jedi good
Dark Side bad
people good
people bad
Revolution in a box
can't wait for the Happy Meal
the best way to control the youth
rather than force them in line
is make your evil power look good
and watch them stage dive into the ovens
I need to (ah ah ah)
I have to (ah ah ah ah ah)
I need to (I could be saying)
I could be (anything)
I need to (I need to follow)
I have to (what I say)
I need to (fuck)
I want to (shit)
I have to (up)
Jedi good
Dark Side bad
people good
people bad
Jedi good
Dark Side bad
people good
people bad

(clocking in at 1:19! that's a rock opera by Thingy standards)

My job

Can be very random

WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT AIG BONUSES?

Stop it people. It means nothing, you're wasting time and distracting from real problems. The shit in this shitburger is so thick and stinky that this one tiny kernel of corn matters not at all. We're talking about $165 mill between several hundred people. What percentage is that of the total money being spent on this bailout? It's stupider than the intensely stupid "earmarks controversy". Earmarks are a tiny fraction of government spending...you're being distracted by stupidity, people.

Dear Nicholas Cage

Please. Fucking please. Stop. This movie you have coming out...it looks so very bad. It looks so bad I got a dollop of cancer just watching the trailer. The premise is a huge pile of stupid. Endless numbers that mean something significant! WOW! WOOOOOO! FUCK!
Please, just stop. You've got to have tons of money. You don't need to make crap-sandwich movies. I mean, I guess it's plausible you have some debilitating vice that is so terrible no one can speak of it. Perhaps it's worse than Troy McClure's. We may not know. Perhaps this terrible compulsion (I'm guessing he likes to violate amphibians after being covered with marmalade. You heard it here first: NICHOLAS CAGE IS A MARMALADE-COVERED TOAD FUCKER. EXCLUSIVE!!!1!) leads him to make any movie that someone pitches him through the crackly microphone box at his local Chic-Fil-A. We can only hope there's something other than horrible, unholy hackery.
There is an option I hadn't considered: perhaps he's doing it on purpose. Perhaps, maybe, he just hates humanity, and wants to make our days bleak and dark and horrible and testicle-shrivelling. And frankly? All available evidence says yes, he is doing it on purpose.

Note: I only included movies I've actually seen, except for the most recent one. Good lord, I hate you Nicholas Cage.

I'm feeling mature

POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP!

Desi's pic

For john

I can't see any clouds from my desk, so I made some

pootie poutine

Friday night I make a baked version of poutine, from this recipe.
Desi took some pics:





The good part about this as compared to real poutine is the fries are baked, meaning somewhat lower fat. It uses whatever good melty cheese you like (the recipe calls for gruyere, but I used cheddar). Tips: Make sure you spray down the baking sheet with some non-stick stuff if you're not using non-stick baking sheets. otherwise you'll have an embarrassing moment when you try to flip over the fries. Don't oversalt. The gravy will be plenty salty. Use a plate with steep sides so the gravy doesn't get everywhere. Be prepared to nap for a long time. Delicious.

Awesome prison escapes

Honestly, I agree with some of the theoretical underpinning of incarceration. The US has gone way, way, fucking overboard in implementing it, to the territory where human rights violations live (see: untreated medical conditions, horrific overcrowding, the current hepatitis epidemic, trust me it goes on like this for a long time). One thing I've always had a soft spot, however, is the prison break.
Yes, I know there's bad people in there, see sentence one.
But Cracked fucked up. They put together a list of awesome prison escapes, and they didn't mention PAPILLON. There is NO motherfucker in the world more dedicated to escaping and living his life than Papillon. Perhaps every word in the book wasn't true. But even if only one in five of the fucked up things he went through in that book actually happened, he's still dragging the world's biggest pair of balls behind him everywhere he escapes from. Let's just say this: Henri Charriere, AKA Papillon, was sentenced to a life sentence at a penal colony in French Guiana. He ended up living free and happy in Venezuela, most decidedly not a French penal colony.
That is pretty awesome.

Bobby Jindal: Unbearable

Governor Bobby Jindal of Louisiana is a national disgrace, and Chris Matthews, despite his other idiotic failings, sees that clearly. The guy is a creepy mix of horrorshow handpuppet and pathetic drowned goat, and he talks like Forest Gump is handing him lines real-time from under his podium, Police Academy-style. Wait, that was a blowjob. Great now I'm picturing the retarded Howdy Doody getting blown by Tom Hanks.
Jindal has a long list of horrible shit in his pocket, but first and foremost is his insistence that bible shit be taught alongside science. I'm all in favor of having more instructional choices in our high schools. You want a comparative religions class? Great! That would be awesome. But science departments deserve to be used to teach science. Inserting "intelligent design" or whatever else creationists have decided to call it into science classrooms is fucked beyond belief.