Fucking Assholes

I know I'm degenerating into a reliable pattern here, but dammit, I like it. It's late as hell and I should be in bed (Des has to wake up in an hour and a half to go to work), but I can't sleep. I just finished reading The Best Democracy Money Can Buy and it had me a little fired up. I read through some fun at Open Secrets (aka the Center for Responsive Politics) and goggled at how much dinero my fellow ZIP-code mates have given W, the Nation-Rapist.
I was winding down when I noticed a Coke commercial that fit nicely in with the polemics against corporate destruction of human life that I've spent the last few days poring over. The "Make it real" spots from fucking Coke make me so goddamned angry with their fake-ass "real teens" "hitting the road" to "discover" what other "real teens" are "up to" and "dispel" "myths" "about" how teenagers are lazy fucks who want to screw and eat chips (quite true in my experience as a teenager). They have these fucking retards acting like they just loaded up their own widdle station wagon and went around the country just happening upon pirate radio DJ's, jackasses with pickups full of snow, and "bicycle jousters", which is exactly what it sounds like. A few questions are left fucking begging, in loud voices like the dead people in Chile, exterminated by cola-nut corporate pressure on US government decision-making. These ass-mongering "real teens" should be lobbed into the nearest incinerator for not having the common fucking sense to see that the very idea of being a human is getting a steaming pile loaded up on top of it with their collusion on this wretched commercial abortion, in the words of Stewart Gilligan Griffin. I hate you, Coca-Cola "teen" actors, and hope you are hit with the shrapnel from the meteor strike that kills your directors, writers, creative team, board of directors, and CEO.
Corporations are the giant throbbing tumor in the brain of the world. Night!

Unreal Shit

This is "Reverend" Pat Robertson saying we should assassinate a democratically-elected chief executive of a foreign country.
Read it again. Go on.


Hugo Chavez has been put in power by poor, exploited, downtrodden people in Venezuela. The upper-middle and upper classes see Chavez as a threat to them, despite the miraculous fact that they are still upper-middle and upper class. The Poor (most Venezuelans) see Chavez as a good dude: He sends out milk to malnourished kids, helps people build homes. He was deposed momentarily in a US-sponsored coup attempt a few years back, and after a few million Venezuelas marched on the capitol building (I think it's called "Presidential Palace" in those places...weird!) and basically said to the sham "inauguration" going on inside: "You can leave by the stairs, or you can leave by the window. Or all of your bits can leave via discreet routes determined by mortar fire", Chavez was back in the seat he was democratically elected to serve in.
You might think to yourself "Venezuela? Who gives a flying fuck about Venezuela?" and you'd be right in reference to most Americans. Except for one thing almost all Americans care about: Oil. Venezuela sits on a shitload of oil. Hugo Chavez is the director of OPEC, or was recently, I forget. And he came to power on a wave of populist demand for land and economic reform to lessen the crushing poverty in Venezuela. He's not perfect, by any means (sound familiar?). But he was elected, and that means our government should NOT be sending in hitmen, our people should NOT be talking shit like that, and creeps like Robertson should go back to rolling around in the fucking billions they've lifted off of fucking morons for their entire lives.
I was going to go on but I just about blew a fucking gasket reading about Robertson. What a vile piece of absolute human scum.

Note: In an effort to prove how little of a shit Americans give about counties populated with poor brown people, I several times typo'd Venezuela to "Valenzuela" in the original post. Jesus! Stupid baseball is even more forward in my brain that poor brown people. I'm one of the assholes I'm writing about! I'm going to go jump into traffic.

Intelligent Shme-shmign

Does anyone else think that any real live Christian should be fully annoyed by the Intelligent Design jackasses co-opting their whole damn worldview? Now, anyone who believes that evolution and creationism (ie, God made the earth and all that other shit, and it went forward from there) is lumped together with retards who think God sits in a workshop like Bob Villa, meticulously putting eyeballs and thumbs together. Is that the stupidest fucking thing you have ever heard or what?
What happened to a transcendental god who simply is? I mean, if you're going to have faith, have some real faith, assholes, don't try to mask your fucknuttery in psuedoscientific mumbo-jumbo. I think religious people who believe the bible literally are insane, but that has nothing to do with the fact that ID proponents are making god into a larger-than-life putterer. If I was insane enough to believe that shit, I'd go for the angry, smiting god, frankly. A god with some pizzazz.

Comedy!

This is one of the funnier things I've ever seen.
Bush as art. Just roll that around on your tongue for a while. Bush as farce? Sure. Bush as eternal national shame? Okay, I can buy that. But art? Doesn't it just basically take the whole concept of art, in all its glory and ridiculousness and raw, untamed humanity, and stamp a fat "McDONALD's" across it, turn it into a crass, sad ghost of itself? Bush as art? What about shit as food? Seems roughly analogous.
I just saw a Headline News bit about gas prices. The fun part about gas prices is that current per-barrel prices have nothing to do with the gas that they're selling in stations right at this moment. The prices they holler about are futures prices, contracts to buy oil in the near future at a given price. The commodities markets are one of the great engines of capitalist ideal, and these ones are no exception...but they're not refined gasoline. We're being fucking gouged by gas companies. And every single industry and business will use it to increase prices. You are being bent over and fucked in the interests of temporary corporate profit, without a doubt.
Elementary school teacher had sex with 13-year-old boy. My lord, they showed this woman on TV, she could basically get a dude at any point, what's with banging a 13 year old? Mental illness= TV GOLD.
I'm going to bed, it's 2:30 in the morning, what the hell am I awake for?
Send me pictures of yourselves.

This is damn funny

I'd recommend Greg Beato just eviscerating Michelle Malkin for a fun read. Anytime one of the pompous, hypocritical, crimes-against-humanity-types gets some of the wind taken out of their gigantic asses, I'm good with it. Apparently, Malkin got her non-thong underwear in a giant, sandy twist when Rolling Stone had a picture of Christina Aguilera on it, mostly naked-ish. She gets herself all lathered up going on about skanks and declining moral values, and, somehow, how it's all feminists fault.

Wuggity wha?

As Beato notes:
Or to put it another way, Playboy used to be a fusty, highbrow magazine devoted to theater criticism. And Hustler specialized in entrepreneurial advice. But then Betty Friedan and Kate Millett gave Hugh Hefner and Larry Flynt the go-ahead, and things started changing. Next, Gloria Steinem revealed that only boob jobs would allow women to achieve economic parity. And then Andrea Dworkin started arguing that ass cleavage was actually the best way to subvert the phallocentric hegemony. And after that, Naomi Wolf started exclaiming that uptight bitches who can't suck a bowling ball through a cocktail straw will never experience true self-esteem, and that fat thighs are really just the Goddess's way of saying, "Fuck you, you dirty cow whore!"

Or in other words "Michelle Malkin, you is one crazy-assed crack-ho biatch."

The last couple weeks

THe last few weeks have been kind of trying. Desi's brother got super-sick and we had to take him to the hospital, it turned out to be Spinal Meningitis, which is an infection of the tissue surrounding the spinal column, or meninges. We didn't know if it was bacterial (very bad, contagious) or viral (not as bad, not contagious), but the poor bastard was in a lot of pain and couldn't eat or drink. He ended up in the hospital for almost a week, and now they're afraid he's got pneumonia...the guy already took care of leukemia, he should seriously get a pass for life from diseases.

There's a guy who's serving in our Senate, the Senate of the People of the United States of America, and he's a fucking lunatic from Pennsylvania. He believes that women, of any age or marital status, should not be allowed to use birth control. I'm not lying, the fuckin' whacko seriously believes that. He believes that in vitro fertilization clinics are evil. He also, humorously, believes that he can read dead people's minds, like all "original intent" strict constructionist Constitutional "scholars". I mean, seriously, how great an idea can it be if it relies on reading the mind of a dead Founding Father? It made me write a letter:

Dear Strict Constructionist:
I'm glad you could take a break from your Ouija board to read my letter. I was wondering if you'd read my dead grandmother's mind, and see what the safe combination was. Plus, where she hid her meds. Because you're fuckin' crazy, and might think you can do just that.
Yours,
-g-

Really, though, Santorum is just another GOP hypocrite. Duh.

Of course, I got confused and mailed it to myself (neat trick! I heard (of course, I'd never do it) that if you reverse the addresses on a letter, like, put your addy as the mailing address, and the other as the return, it will be returned to the people you wanted to mail it to...pretty sneaky, huh?), but I think my point was made. Oh yes.

I did in fact write an email to an NPR interviewer who had "Crazy Lunatic" Santorum on. In this interview, I'm not kidding, he complained that Christians are oppressed in this country (despite and 80% self-identification rate as "Christian"), that people called him names (he read off a freaking list from his Blackberry....jesus. Turn the other cheek often, psycho?), and that evolution was a "theory" (note to morons: it is not a theory, but a fact). The interviewer reitereated the term "Theory of Evolution" which is what set me off. I hate that. It was cool that he wrote back, though he claimed that his listeners are "smart enough to make up their own minds, which you seem to have no problem doing". Yuk yuk, nice snark, dick. Of course, he's wrong. I'm not "making my mind up" about FACTS. They're pesky things, baby. You can't pick your own set of them.

I've had people nearly kill me on the road so very many times of late it's sickening. I don't know what to make of it. I feel like I'm in that unendingly bad movie, Final Destination. Except my Death is an incompetent fat chick driving a Toyota Tacoma. Hmm...I smell a sequel! Death Drives a Pale Toyota: Attack of the Krispy Kremes! Here's a picture of a big dude swimming with his dog.

Some band names I've come up with of late:

• 50-Horse Johnson (my little brother helped)
  
• Garth Army
  
• Harry Deviant