115437052265311971:2006/07/#115437052265311971,115436613719354433:2006/07/#115436613719354433,115436430101520581:2006/07/#115436430101520581,115419070625989436:2006/07/#115419070625989436,115403743923772859:2006/07/#115403743923772859,115402678035061689:2006/07/#115402678035061689,115349012682221703:2006/07/#115349012682221703,115298647922919671:2006/07/#115298647922919671,115291792117210991:2006/07/#115291792117210991,115282114128219034:2006/07/#115282114128219034,115264906916057724:2006/07/#115264906916057724,115263427125635620:2006/07/#115263427125635620,115260186408658989:2006/07/#115260186408658989,115229083019773925:2006/07/#115229083019773925,115226023558402003:2006/07/#115226023558402003,115213924987228730:2006/07/#115213924987228730,115194854582963263:2006/07/#115194854582963263,">

das fiten babeez

i am a dirty stinking liberal.

Monday, July 31, 2006

oy

if i was John Conyers, I'd stay away from airplanes for a while. nosy Democrats have a way of dying in plane crashes.

funny

i found this page on snowsurfer, which i hadn't been to in years, and it was the first of what appeared to be many "Link-fest Friday" pages. Of all 13 links on there, mine is the only one still active. I don't know what that says about me, but I've been doing this for a long time.

it's unreal

i give israel the right to defend itself...but is this the way to do it?

"They wrote the names of the dead children on their plastic shrouds. 'Mehdi Hashem, aged seven Qana' was written in felt pen on the bag in which the little boy's body lay. 'Hussein al-Mohamed, aged 12 Qana', 'Abbas al-Shalhoub, aged one Qana.' And when the Lebanese soldier went to pick up Abbas's little body, it bounced on his shoulder as the boy might have done on his father's shoulder on Saturday. In all, there were 56 corpses brought to the Tyre government hospital and other surgeries, and 34 of them were children. When they ran out of plastic bags, they wrapped the small corpses in carpets. Their hair was matted with dust, most had blood running from their noses.

Qana...

We've been killing little children in Iraq for 15 years. First our war, then our sanctions, designed and run by the US, and then another war and utterly disgraceful planning for the postwar period. Isreal had been killing Palestinians for as long or longer....but have returned to another pasttime, killing Lebanese children.

israel authorities claim that Hizbollah or however you spell it fighters are hiding amongst civilians. Okay. Who cares? how does that justify killing the civilians? it DOES NOT justify it. I'll tell you one stone cold fact: if they were hiding amongst ISRAELI civilians, they would be safer than babes in the cradle. Since they're allegedly hiding amongst Lebanese civilians, they're meat, and everyone around them. It is disgusting. It's also, without doubt, a war crime, though you will not hear about the proceedings, nor will you hear about the US vetoing any sanctions against Israel, which it doubtless will.

How is it okay to have 56 dead, 34 children? Why do we accept this. and it would stop too, if the United States turned off the money spigot. The people in power won't do it, and it's unlikely the people waiting in the wings will. we need to flush through the cycle rapidly to help create a just world, not just control petroleum. That's what being a liberal is about: the creation of a moral, just nation. We have not done that. We've been carping and chirping about issues, and all the while these animals in charge get worse, with no one to stop them. What do you say to them? Stop, you're being insane?

Aim yourself at a just world and other things fall into place.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

just some thoughts

I was reading this post. This song makes me cry.

Maria
RATM

Tha sun ablaze as Marias foot
Touches the surface of sand
On Northern Land
As human contraband
Some Rico from Jalisco
Passed her name to tha boss
She stuffed ten to a truckbed
She clutches her cross
Here come tha exhaust
And it rips through her lungs
Shes off fast to tha pasture
Like cattle shell cross
Degree 106
Sweat and vomit are thrown
And she prays and suffocates
Upon the memories of home
Of Yanqui guns for blood debts on the loans
Of smoldering fields, rape, rubble and bones
Of graves hidden trapped up in visions of war
Of nothing, no one, nobody, no more
These are her mountains and skies and she radiates
And through historys rivers of blood she regenerates
And like tha sun disappears only to reappear
Shes eternally here
Her time is near
Never conquered but here
To tear away at the mask

And now she got a quota
Tha needle and thread crucifixion
Sold and shipped across tha new line
of Mason Dixon
Rippin through denim
Tha point an inch from her vein
Tha foreman approach
His steps now pound in her brain
His presence it terrifies
And eclipses her days
No minutes to rest
No moments to pray
And with a whisper
He whips her
Her soul changed to his will
"My job is to kill if you forget to take your pill"
Her arm jerks
Tha sisters gather round her and scream
As If in a dream
Eyes on the crimson stream
Numb as her wrists spit shots of blood to tha floor
I am nothing, no one, nobody, no more
These are her mountains and skies and

she radiates

And through historys rivers of blood

she regenerates
And like tha sun disappears only to reappear
Maria she's eternally here
Her time is near
Never conquered but here


Look at the last 100 years. Look at the death, war and blood spilled on foreign soil. Try and figure out what its for.

Its for the dollar. The Germans were vociferously supported by all American elites until they infringed on our trade practices. The Indonesians tried to keep US corps out. The Chinese wouldn't let Brits sell opium in China. The American Indians wouldn't let invaders take their homes. The response of the white man? Death. Endless death.

That's capitalism.

Now it's being reflected in the endless stream of the poor from south of us. They come some for work, some for free government services. All dreaming of living a better life. It's a measure of the extremist right-wing efforts' success at realigning people's views that the poor white people (and trust me, you're poor if you're reading this, I don't care what kind of car you drive) and some Latinos have voluntarily formed a buffer against this human tide. Some going so far as to plant their soft white asses on lawn chairs surrounded by media and Border Patrol agents on the border. Its a sorry sight.

One thing I don't believe many people realize is that American policy in South and Central America, specifically state-sponsored terrorism campaigns and monetary/military/political support for extremist dictators, is what caused these countries to become so desperately poor. The campaigns in Nicauragua, if you extrapolate the casualty figures to a country the size of the US, would have been 2.25 million, more than the casualties the US suffered in all of its wars combined. And on a tiny country like Nicauragua... the impact was extreme. All because rich fuckers didn't like poor, shit-upon people standing up and demanding a better life. The market rules over everyone but them you see.

So when you see the poor bastards dying in the desert, or swept away in ravines, or kicked by racist pricks, imagine Ron Reagan standing over them laughing, as his legacy and wishes are fulfilled. Imagine 50 years of US meddling and the death, torture and horror it's lead to.

Look at yourself and ask, "Do I support this? Is this me?".

Because unless you stand up and scream NO MORE, it is you.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

so haaaaapy

i'm a happy little girl
i'm the happiest little girl in a white dress in the world, i'm skipping around throwing flowers out of a basket

home again

i've written two songs in two days, after not having written anything in years. like 5 years...coincidence? who knows.
i'm feeling energized even though it's over 100 here and we have no AC. apparently while i was gone the temps in Esco topped 115, setting a record. that's Baker heat.
I came to a realization while travelling through Utah and Nevada...parts of this country are fucking UGLY. There are some bits that are ruggedly beautiful, but also freaking ugly. St. George Utah is one such place. it looks like someone just had a handful of model railroad shrubs and let an arthritic baby pile up sand and scatter junked cars and walmarts around.
there's a stretch of road that is so abandoned it's stupid, and as you're going along this craptacular dirt fest, you crest a slight rise and see the biggest stinking warehouse ever. it's got to be a mile long, and it's got a big fat "Wal Mart" on the side of it, and hundreds of semis and trailers clustering like sperm on an egg around its many cargo doors.
there's a spot right outside the virgin river gorge that is just awful. it's a long, dirty sprawled out spray of litter and trailers and fireworks shops randomly interspersed with microwave and cell phone towers. we still got shit for service too. when you first emerge from the gorge and look to your left you'll see a single, ramshackle joint leaning on the slop from the mountains, looking for all the world that it's preparing to jump to its long-awaited death. i tried my damnedest to imagine people living in baker, or beaver, or salinas, or any of those shit hole towns along the I-15 or 70, and i couldn't do it. even here, in san marcos, which is kind of an asshole of a town, or escondido, which is fucking unbelievably hot, i couldn't figure it out. i'd rather deal with the traffic. i guess there's a special kind of person that can live in that sort of desolation. The gorge itself is beautiful....everything around it looks like shit to me.

i just went and got a portable AC unit for the art room. our landlord, who is a gigantic douchebag of quivering proportions, has failed to fix our AC for at least 3 weeks. i suggested not paying any fuckin rent. people who don't fix AC units during heatwaves deserve to have their eyeballs removed with salad tongs and fried up into tasty eye-fritters.
the thing is buzzing along happily behind me, and i can even now feel some cooling going on. i didn't actually mind the heat so much, but my office mate gets kind of whiny. i think i'll get some delicious lunch.

Friday, July 21, 2006

wilderness

i'm in the wilderness literally and abstractly. i have trouble getting to sleep. there's rodents in my 100-year-old cabin, and they can make weird noises. there was a bizarre moment last night where a coyote was yelping in a repetitive fashion, and an owl started hooting over it, and they combined to make a noise which i had no mental place for.
the air mattress i have is a cruel joke. it has about a 3 hour leak...long enough for me to fall asleep, after dozens of games of solitaire (oh, the symbolism is rich) but not long enough to get any kind of sleep. i wake up after a couple hours with my ass on the ground and my head jackknifed up on my pillow. its beautiful
i saw a female turkey with three babies. what's a baby turkey called? i bet you'd all imagine that i'd know that already. stupid dial-up connection makes me dumber.
i've seen deer and hawks. the pond up the draw from the cabin has many little green and brown frogs in it. we hiked up there and brought some frog-catching gear, to show the kiddos. our planning was not perfect. the fishing net i brought had mesh too large for the small frogs. my brother and i tried to double team the frogs by using a badminton racquet to fling one gently up into the sky and catch it. tip: if someone tells you this plan, be the recquet man. the catcher gets faces full of mud, algae, and anything else in the pond immediately around the frog that gets flung. add to that the difficulty in judging the force necessary to gently fling a frog that weighs an ounce or two at most, and you have a recipe for everyone around you laughing their asses off. amazingly, we did manage to catch a number of frogs, though none on the fly. my brother nailed me right on the palm with a larger model, but here's the final piece of the puzzle we hadn't considered (among many): frogs are slippery as hell. chris fired this frog over (one about three times bigger than any of the others) and it slapped right into my palm. as i tried to close on it, it SHPLOOP fires out of my hand, pulls a couple open field juke moves on me and bang, is home free in the pond.
it's really hard to not type "frongs" instead of frogs. i don't know what a frong is. charles is a frong.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

man

last night was by far the worst. i read some things i shouldn't have, and thought things i didn't need to think, and ended up feeling nauseous all night and angry and lonely. it was stupid. its stupid watching all my friends swoop around her like freakin vultures, and all the shit i know they're talking...they're her friends too, they want her to feel better. still hurts. i don't do that.
it's stupid beyond belief to talk to women. i'm not doing it. they're either stupid, scarred, scared or scumbags. or all four. i don't want to do it, i don't want to ever open up again, i don't want to deal with it, i'm through.
the worst of it was not that intellectually anything changed. everything i felt was animal and out of control. all of my justifications meant little to nothing, and all of my well-thought-out reasons were like billboards along the route of a cattle stampede. right now i can think of all the reasons why this or that, but last night my head just kept bowing as if her hand were pushing it lower. i was, and still am, feeling hollowed out and somehow insubstantial. disconcerting is a good word for these feelings.
i hope leaving tomorrow will begin the process of healing myself. forced isolation sounds like it will hurt quite a lot. i really need to not read those things ever again, but i feel like i'm going to do it right now. oy. incompetent spellers insulting someone they never met (me) is a great way to pass the time. ah well, life is pain, then you're pushed off a cliff. at least the end is usually exciting.

Friday, July 14, 2006

there's something

to complete shutdowns, to just ending everything you can
there's a purity to it. you have but one response. there's not justifications, no weighing alternatives, no thinking necessary. you just act as you decided you should act, and that's how it works. decisions being a removal of other options, you are left with pure doin's, and you're happy. or at least you're not in painful throes of self-doubt and self-hatred.
i spent a long time doubting myself for my perceptions and hating myself for being too weak to make hard decisions, as well as allowing myself to be played like a fool. recent events validated my decisions, and i feel like a better person, i feel like, thought it was a pain-sandwich with extra pain on the side, i still did what i needed to do for joy, for being a happy person.
i'm still hurting, but i can see a light at the top of the pit. ultimately i'll be better, stronger, happier for it all. it's good.
in the meantime it's kinda like hanging onto slippery rocks in a pounding surf. you get your ass kicked by rogue waves, slip and hurt your hands and knees, and random fish get stuck in your pants. its okay. one fuckin slippery rock at a time. if it don't make it, tough titty for me i guess. i'll still punch a clock.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

oy fuckin vey

the Israelis are bombing the shit out of the lebanese and the palestinians. war may be on its way full-scale. and guess who's got several hundred thousand troops hanging around? yo.
scary fucking times we're living in

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

cruel freakin werld

right now i'm wounded and feeling very much like a broken man, held together by the tenuous strands of responsibility and the atheism that tells me this is the only ride i get, so hang on even if it's sucking at the moment.

whenever things get too bad, though, i'm able to garner comfort from those words that have run through the ages, words of infalible wisdom and joy, coming from the great cosmos into the soul of every man and woman.

i speak of course, of Tenacious D.

How's it goin'?
[sung]
That's the first thin' I say to you.
How's it goin'? Are you flowin'?
Listen honey,
Thinkin' 'bout a couple things to say to you,
Showin', growin',
Man I'd like to place my hand
upon your fuckin' sexy ass and squeeze.
And squeeze!

Take off your blouse,
And your underpants,
Then take a look,
'Cause here me and KG come naked,
Out of the side-hatch,
With the oils and perfume and incense.
Now you're groovin',
Put on a cool '70s groove.
A funky groove to fuck to.
A funky groove to fuck to.

Me, me and KG,
It's all about sex supreme,
We likes to cream jeans. (sex)
Have you ever been worked on
By two guys who are hot for your snatch? (sex)
That's what I'm offerin' you.
You step into our room,
And then you smell the perfume,
You lay upon our roundish bed,
And then you feel a tickling on your head.
It's KG with the feather and the French tickler,
Look out baby he got the tools.
And then you feel sumpin' down by your feet.
It's me, it's JB, I'm suckin' upon your toes.

We don't mind sucking on toes!
Good luck finding a boyfriend who sucks toe, ow!
Havin' sex with me and KG,
Now you're talkin' double team supreme!

Let's roll!

[KG:] Hail Satan!
[JB:] Hail Satan!
[KG:] Hail Satan!
[JB:] Hail Satan!


Hail Satan, brothers.

HEY: How come no one told me about THIS?! I may yet have a reason not to kill myself.

i'm totally the biggest douche

that last post was awful

here's some more!

20 entries found for lonely.

Main Entry: lonely
Part of Speech: adjective 1
Definition: forlorn
Synonyms: abandoned, alone, apart, bummed out, by oneself, comfortless, companionless, deserted, desolate, destitute, disconsolate, down, empty, estranged, forsaken, friendless, godforsaken, homeless, isolated, left, lone, lonesome, outcast, reclusive, rejected, renounced, secluded, single, solitary, troglodytic, unattended, unbefriended, uncherished, unsocial, withdrawn
Antonyms: sociable
Source: Roget's New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.2.1)
Copyright © 2006 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved.

Main Entry: lonely
Part of Speech: adjective 2
Definition: out-of-the-way
Synonyms: alone, deserted, desolate, devious, godforsaken, isolated, obscure, private, quiet, remote, removed, retired, secluded, secret, sequestered, solitary, unfrequented, uninhabited
Antonyms: populous
Source: Roget's New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.2.1)
Copyright © 2006 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved.

Main Entry: alone
Part of Speech: adjective 1
Definition: separate
Synonyms: abandoned, apart, batching it*, by itself, companionless, deserted, desolate, detached, forlorn, forsaken, friendless, hermit, in solitary*, individual, isolated, lone, lonely, lonesome, onliest*, only, shag*, single, sole, solitary, solo, stag, traveling light*, unaccompanied, unaided, unassisted, unattached, unattended, unescorted, unmarried, widowed
Antonyms: accompanied, crowded, grouped, mobbed, together
Source: Roget's New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.2.1)
Copyright © 2006 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved.
* = informal or slang

Main Entry: bleak
Part of Speech: adjective 2
Definition: depressing
Synonyms: black, cheerless, comfortless, dark, discouraging, disheartening, dismal, drear, dreary, funereal, gloomy, grim, hard, harsh, hopeless, joyless, lonely, melancholy, oppressive, sad, somber, unpromising
Antonyms: bright, cheery, encouraging, hopeful, sunny
Source: Roget's New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.2.1)
Copyright © 2006 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved.

Main Entry: desert
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: barren
Synonyms: arid, bare, desolate, infertile, lonely, solitary, uncultivated, uninhabited, unproductive, untilled, waste, wild
Antonyms: cultivated, fertile, productive
Source: Roget's New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.2.1)
Copyright © 2006 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved.

Main Entry: deserted
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: abandoned
Synonyms: bare, barren, bereft, cast off, derelict, desolate, empty, forlorn, forsaken, godforsaken*, isolated, left, left stranded, lonely, lorn, neglected, relinquished, solitary, uncouth, uninhabited, unoccupied, vacant
Antonyms: crowded, inhabited, mobbed, populated
Source: Roget's New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.2.1)
Copyright © 2006 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved.
* = informal or slang

Main Entry: desolate
Part of Speech: adjective 1
Definition: barren
Synonyms: abandoned, bare, bleak, derelict, desert, destroyed, dreary, empty, forsaken, godforsaken*, isolated, lonely, lonesome, lorn, ruined, solitary, uncouth, unfrequented, uninhabited, unoccupied, unused, vacant, waste, wild
Antonyms: crowded, inhabited, mobbed, populated
Source: Roget's New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.2.1)
Copyright © 2006 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved.
* = informal or slang

Main Entry: desolate
Part of Speech: adjective 2
Definition: depressed
Synonyms: abandoned, acheronian, bereft, black, bleak, blue, blue funk, cheerless, comfortless, companionless, dejected, depressing, despondent, disconsolate, dismal, dolorous, down, downcast, forlorn, forsaken, funereal, gloomy, hurting, in pain, inconsolable, joyless, lonely, lonesome, melancholy, miserable, somber, tragic, wretched
Antonyms: cheerful, comforted, happy
Source: Roget's New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.2.1)
Copyright © 2006 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved.

Main Entry: dreary
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: gloomy
Synonyms: black, blah, bleak, boring, cheerless, colorless, comfortless, damp, depressing, depressive, dingy, dismal, dispiriting, doleful, downcast, drab, dull, forlorn, funereal, glum, humdrum, joyless, lifeless, lonely, lonesome, melancholy, monotonous, mournful, oppressive, pedestrian, raw, routine, sad, somber, sorrowful, tedious, uneventful, uninteresting, wearisome, windy, wintry, wretched
Antonyms: bright, cheerful, cheery, clear, light, pleasant, sunny
Source: Roget's New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.2.1)
Copyright © 2006 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved.

Main Entry: forlorn
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: hopeless
Synonyms: abandoned, alone, bereft, blue*, cheerless, comfortless, cynical, defenseless, depressed, deserted, desolate, despairing, desperate, despondent, destitute, destroyed, disconsolate, dragging*, forgotten, forsaken, friendless, fruitless, futile, godforsaken*, helpless, homeless, inconsolable, lonely, lonesome, lost, miserable, oppressed, pathetic, pessimistic, pitiable, pitiful, solitary, tragic, unhappy, vain, weighed down, woebegone, wretched
Antonyms: cheerful, hopeful
Source: Roget's New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.2.1)
Copyright © 2006 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved.
* = informal or slang

other people thought of this too
this shit is why it was a bad idea for me to stop reading literature and concentrate on politics. now i'm berefted-up and unequipped to deal with it. anyone got any suggestions?

le sigh

i would kill somebody

in front of their own mama
to get a ten speed

watching aqua teen and enjoying. i'm a lonely, lonely person right now

even the sad sorry satisfaction of winning a small poker tournament eludes me. the work and struggle of the last 5 and three quarters years has fallen into tiny, sad bits. i'm all done. i'm not thinking i have anything left, i'm just signing checks and making top ramen from now on. just a sad, fallen over cardboard cutout of me is what i have left.
i hope i have something left to be a dad with

what a sorry mess

Friday, July 07, 2006

Infect it then kill it

Here is yet another story about how Bush and his cronies are fucking our military sqaure in its oddly receptive manhole. Letting hotemongering groups in due to recruiting shortfalls. The SPLC quoted a DOD source saying "We've got Aryan Nations graffiti in Baghdad." This in addition to the fact that we're committed all over the globe, our training centers are infested with evangelicals harassing Jewish and non-christianist students (this is where our military leaders come from, remember), Duke and his pals fucking with the appropriations committee to enrich themselves, and the simple fact that hundreds of thousands of Americans are in a situation right this second where they could be killed at any time. Here's a Google News search for "U.S. military scandal". There's some crap in there I'd forgotten about.

So we have an overcommitted, poorly supplied, understaffed, endangered military being inflitrated by groups whose loyalty does not lie with their country but with ideologically extreme groups. Who's that sound like? Hmmm...two guesses, and if you don't say "IRAQ!" right away, I'm going to come over and chide you. And don't flip out, if anyone reads this with a flag sticking out of their ass. I don't mean that the US military is as incompetent or lazy or corrupt as the Iraqi military. YET. We are letting Bush & Co. DESTROY OUR NATION'S MILITARY. Some of you may go, "Sweet!" but I'm not one of them. I am in favor of a smaller military, but it's impossible to see a world without some credible threat of force to keep the worst douchebags away.

So, the Bushinskis, and the Clintons and Old Bushes and creaky evil Lich Reagan are killing our military through massive pig-feeding of contractors, overcommittment, under-training and under-staffing and under-funding. All of that leads to infections, such as the hate-mongers infiltrating ("Maybe in the thousands" says the article) and the religionists harassing, which are a precursor to the death of the body. I despair that there is anyone left who knows how to honestly and honorably run a public concern. The level of incompetence spread by this bumbling, treasonous administration is leaking down into all levels of society.

I guess everything will either break or keep slowly devolving, unless some real competent people get involved.

An aside:
Hey, if you think that we need a huge military to fight terrorists, what about the worst of the lot, Osama bin Laden (well, presumably. I think he's fighting because first the Soviets, then we, tried to horn in on his family's oil construction business. Read Greg Palast's Armed Madhouse for more info on that subject)? Palast notes that in 2003 the Bush admin gave Osama exactly what he'd been asking for, attacking and killing people for, as stated loudly on his communications: US Withdrawal from Saudi Arabia. That, and (as Palast calls it) and "Islamic Oil Caliphate", is Osama's goal, and thanks to Bush cutting and running in Saudia Arabia (an historic event which we haerd hardly a whisper of in the US), Osama is halfway there. Repeat: Osama demanded that the US get out of Saudia Arabia since 1996, and in 2003, George Bush complied with his demands. Look it up.

I'd really, really recommend getting a copy of Greg Palast's Armed Madhouse, and his other stuff too. He's a good read, logical, clear, and comes from a statistics background. Anyone I know around here can borrow my copy if they'd like.

so many

weird things going on in the werld. its a weird werld. werd.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

don't want to think

so much pain i'm in pain all over. its just pain of various types. i'll focus on one and it will eventually fade and i'll think, finally, and then realize i'd been focusing so intently on that one I missed the others

just more and more pain

i wish now as much as i ever have that i could just turn off my brain, turn it to standby or something, it never shuts up, constantly exploring the hurting parts

pain in my stupid body, pain in my stupid brain, pain in my stupid soul, what a whiny melodramatic fucker i've turned into. i suppose it will only get worse as age tears me to pieces and folds me up, i'll get more piteous and deranged and sooner or later blame all misfortunes on others, on family and friends and whoever, until i've alienated everyone and shuffle around in some stinking old house, maybe the one i'm in now, alone but for some shitty pet.

waaaaah

Monday, July 03, 2006

hey

you know what i haven't called anyone in a long time? A "dudette". did anyone ever use that word as anything other than a funny companion to "dudes", as in "Dudes and dudettes, this is my penis" or that sort of thing? It seems to not stand well on its own. I don't know if i for one ever called someone a "dudette" simply as a nickname or friendly diminutive or whathaveyou.

by the way, dudette.com is taken.

you know what's embarrassing? Astrology. I mean, we've got enough things to be embarrassed about as merkins, with a dope in the white house, a creep in the VP office, and a bunch of various geeks, kooks and spooks everywhere else, but to have to listen to people defend astrology as anything other than first-class crackpottery makes me simply pissed off beyond belief, ready to fling clay pots full of flaming pitch at the nearest trireme. read that article in the link. you'll see some of what i'm talking about. it's mostly come up since Jerome Armstrong, a major netroots Dem/liberal player, was outed as something of a astrology lover and has been widely denounced by the (mainly christian, go figure) right as well as some of the left. on top of the fact that i'm taking orders on what to put on my blog from markos, i'm now a believer in astrology since jerome likes it. and i bought his book.

fuckin' a. you know, just as i know plenty of otherwise smart, even brilliant people who have what i consider to be a fucking massive hole in their brains where they pour god-thoughts, i know lots of smart even brilliant people who believe other retarded shit as well. i have a lot of trouble with the folks who believe the earth is 6,000 years old, dinosaur bones were scooped from an alien planet by a star-hoppin jesus to vex us, and that life begins at conception (my ass it does) telling anyone anything ever about kooky beliefs. you know how you answer that? "Hey, you, i think your biorythym scroll is stupid!" "oh yeah? well i BELIEVE it, so stick a fork in your own ass right now". Just like random douchebag christians can simply say "i believe it happened" and end the argument, because, fuck, they're nuts, any random astrology retard can pull the same shit.

i think they're all fucking fruitier then fruitcakes, in any event. doesn't mean i'm going to stop talking to friends/relations/door-to-door salesmen who have some broken part of their cortex that lets invisible men in the sky in. there'll just always be a part of me laughing and pointing. That part will be inside, where it's safe and jesus can't hear me. stupid eavesdropping jesus! i wish he'd never come here in his spaceship!

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